Sometimes it’s not the butterflies that tell you you’re in love. But the pain.
Leaving my husband on September 28 of last year was the most painful act of my life (to date). If you have read my blog, Tantrachick, you likely know of our epic love story, or at least the parts of it I have shared publicly.
When I left, he set a boundary. He told me with a level of intensity to Not ever write about us again. I unwillingly but wholeheartedly agreed. And in doing so, I silenced my voice.
I have honored his request (demand). But today I realized something.m; I don’t need to write about him or our relationship, but I have not only the right but also a deep need to express myself. So here I am.
I have not seen my lover. The father of my children. My best friend. My confidant. The man I trusted more than any other soul (living or deceased). Since the day we separated. Our paths have briefly crossed, but the man I once knew is no longer.
Tonight, he asked our youngest daughter to pass me her phone. He was on FaceTime. We saw each other. I saw the home that was once mine. The cat that was once mine. The man who was once mine.
To share on a deeper level would be a breach of confidence, so I will hold space for him. For me. For us. When we finished speaking, I dug in and continued filling out our divorce papers. I am divorcing my best friend.
I now have a lover. We were friends for just under two decades before we connected sexually. We have both been through a recent divorce. We have both experienced severe loss. We have found solace in each other. If he were a jealous man…
He would not have been able to handle it when I reached out tonight and embraced him and practically begged him (non verbally) to transport me from my pain. When I asked him to silence my hurt with:
A Tantric Man does not own his Woman. He does not own:
Nor does he own her pleasure. But he has been taught and he has learned and been open to understanding. How to facilitate her deepest desires how to silence her pain and help her open herself to the magnificence within her soul.
Through our beautiful and deeply pleasurable connection my lover has awoken the Tantric Man that was previously trapped within him.
That’s all she wrote. Please have patience with me while I find my voice…
From my heart to yours,