Hello beautiful people,
I wanted to start by saying thank you for your support, kind words, and the inspirational stories you shared in response to my post, The Pitfalls of Being a Public Nudist. I also want to send a shout out to Nik & Lins from Naked Wanderings for the beautiful light they shine in the world and all that they do to normalize naturism! I was hoping to post a more positive blog before continuing this thread, but I had to get these words off my chest.
I am sad to report that “Jonathon Lakely”, the man who has been harassing me has not stopped his verbal attack. In fact, the intensity and aggressiveness of his assault and harassment has escalated. His words have become increasingly volatile and abusive. So far Jonathon has told me I deserved to be molested because of my “sexy ass”. He has referenced raping both myself and my daughter, who is a minor. In his emails this morning, he attacked every aspect of my body using some of the most vulgar language I’ve experienced thus far, and in addition he said the following:
You have blocked
New messages from this sender will be sent to Spam.
I need to warn my Twitter people that his original point of contact was through a Twitter link to my blog. Unfortunately I don’t know his Twitter username, so I cannot block him. After reading his emails this morning I contacted Darren from White Hatter. The White Hatter provides internet and social media safety, digital literacy, workplace violence prevention education and training to schools & businesses. I first learned about the vital work of white hatters when one of my daughter’s friends were being cyber bullied.
During our chat about criminal harassment and cyber bullying, Darren asked me some questions to gain a better understanding of the situation. I shared all of the email and online communication I’ve received and he walked me through the steps necessary to protect myself. You might be thinking to yourself, “Why don’t you just block him Joy?” Unfortunately, blocking someone on multiple platforms is not as easy as it may seem. In addition, if someone is truly persistent, once you block them, they simply create another account to continue harassing you.
After speaking with Darren from The White Hatter I took the following steps to protect myself and my children:
- Blocked “Jonathon Laekley’s” email through my email provider
- Unapproved his comments on my blog so he cannot make another public comment without my approval
- Set up Google alerts so that I will know if he continues to slander me on other sites
- Used the IP address attached to his comments on my WordPress.com dashboard to find his location
- Used Verified to track down his email account and related information (name, address, etc.)
- Given him a written warning via email that I will press harassment charges if he continues to harass me or my daughters
- Took screen shots of ALL communication so that I can easily share it with the police
- If he does not stop, I will be pressing criminal harassment charges in the county of his residence
In his email response to my threat (actually a promise not a threat) of pressing criminal harassment charges, Jonathon said:
“Arrested for what? Isn’t your
dirty ass in Canada?”
With the rise of social influencer harassment, the criminal systems in both Canada and the US are becoming increasingly effective at successfully prosecuting the offenders. What Jonathon and other cyber bullies may not realize is that Canada and the US have reciprocal agreements. Also, a Canadian citizen can press charges in the US if necessary. In my case, I happen to be a dual citizen with residences in both the US and Canada so I am able to easily press criminal harassment charges in either country.
One such example of a successful criminal harassment case is Tammy Steffens, a fitness influencer, who has been sentenced to nearly five years in federal jail after being found guilty of cyberstalking and sending threats to colleagues over Instagram. Steffens created at least 369 Instagram accounts used to harass and threaten people, one of which she told she would “slice you up into little pieces.”
Even after reading articles related to the topic of online harassment and talking openly about this subject with a variety of people, I personally just don’t get it. What would motivate someone to verbally attack a total stranger? Why does this man feel the need to slut shame me? Why would he target me? Why does he feel “joy” from attacking me? How many other women has he targeted in this despicable manner?
During my discussion with Darren, the White Hatter, he said that I have to stop engaging. So this will be my final post related to the harassment I’ve experienced from this particular individual. Generally I attempt to educate these men with the hopes that I can create a subtle shift in their thought process. I also hope to personalize myself and remind them that I am a daughter, sister, mother, and a deeply sensitive woman. In over a decade of blogging, I have experienced a LOT of harassment, but so far this has been the most extreme case.
I feel strong, empowered and fully capable of handling his threats, I am using my healing toolbox to re-write the words he attempted to slay my heart with. He has no power over me, but unfortunately the same is not true for so many others. One deeply sad example that comes to mind is the suicide of August Ames.
In December 2017, Ames was due to perform in a pornographic scene, but withdrew when she learned that the co-star was a man who had appeared in gay pornography and was not tested for sexually transmitted diseases. On 3 December 2017, Ames posted on Twitter:
“whichever (lady) performer is replacing me tomorrow for @EroticaXNews, you’re shooting with a guy who has shot gay porn, just to let cha know. BS is all I can say🤷🏽♀️ Do agents really not care about who they’re representing? #ladirect I do my homework for my body.”🤓✏️🔍—August Ames, Twitter
The tweet drew criticism and abuse from social media users. Jaxton Wheeler, a pansexual performer, demanded that Ames apologize or take a
cyanide pill which he later regretted. Ames—who was bisexual—asserted that she loved the gay community and that she had a right to exercise her sexual autonomy.
On 5 December 2017, two days after her tweet, Ames was found dead in a park in Camarillo, California, at the age of 23. Her death was ruled a suicide due to asphyxia by hanging by the Ventura County Medical Examiner’s Office. Close friends of this beautiful young woman stated that cyberbullying led her to end her life.
I have never personally participated in pornography or sex work, but some people associate my online presence with sex work and/or pornography simply because I share my non-sexual nude photos publicly. I can also relate because I receive the same type of slut shaming and discriminatory verbal abuse many sex workers, porn stars and body positive activists receive. This week has been especially difficult. I have been receiving emails daily from the man who is currently cyber bullying me.
I am strong, but have to admit it’s exhausting. He is also the first man to attack my children. Over the years other men have made mildly suggestive comments or asked me personal questions about my children. Until now no one has been so grotesque as to say that they were going to sexually assault my kids. It has of course made me reflect on my path and ask myself if it’s truly worth it.
I think we all have a grasp on the gravity of this problem but what is the solution? Education. Prevention. Accountability. And we must continue supporting each other and inspiring each other. We must step out of the darkness and into the light. Know this. I will not let the bullies of the world shut me down. I am here. I am strong. My body. My F*cking choice! I will continue to be a mirror for the best and worst facets of humanity.
Please Remember: Never dim your light to make other people feel secure. It’s easy to think that hiding your passion and purpose will make the “haters” stop. It won’t. People will always find things to criticize and judge you for. I am saying this to myself as much as I’m saying it to you. It is not easy. The struggle is real. May we all find peace and learn to respect each other. If you are experiencing cyber bullying, I am here. Your voice matters. You matter. Please reach out. I am here for you.
From my heart to yours,