Hey beautiful people!
I hope you’re all doing well during these challenging times. In an attempt to stay connected, I’ve been doing my best to post daily on Twitter. I am blessed to be in an isolated area where I have direct access to a beach, tennis court, and a variety of deserted walking trails. Getting naked outside is definitely helping me keep my spirits up!
On a more personal note…
For those of you who read my blog Tantrachick, you’d be familiar with the father of my children, Mountain. He and I have four kids together plus three additional step kids. We were together for a couple decades give or take. Our connection was the type you read about in love stories. Then we had a spontaneous threesome with one of our longtime friends (please don’t try this at home:) Tensions ran high like they often do during this type of experimentation and Mountain and I endured a painful separation.
During that time, I stayed in a kind of “friends with benefits” relationship with the man we experimented with. My heart wasn’t ever open enough to fully dive in with him. Mountain went his own way. He even ended up (briefly) marrying another woman at one point. Then, during the first week of February 2020, before the world shifted, I went to Prescott AZ to visit one of our good friends. Mountain happened to already be in Prescott during the same timeframe. He was visiting his friend (the ex husband of the friend I was visiting).
Life isn’t always straight forward. It doesn’t come with an instruction guide, so sometimes, life well it gets f*cking messy. After some back and forth texting, Mountain ended up inviting me to coffee at a sweet little coffee shop. Sometimes I get the feeling y’all see me as this laid back hippie dippie naked chick. So you may not know this about me but I’m actually a pretty “spicy woman” as Mountain would say.
I managed to upset Mountain with my forward nature and my inability to filter. Basically, I thought we should have make up sex. He was still deeply wounded and had felt rejected by me, so my “crass” comments upset him. Mountain abruptly ended our coffee date. A couple days later, after he did some contemplating. he texted me to let me know that there was a good sushi place in town. I was like, “Are you inviting me to have sushi with you?” He responded, “It’s a free country.” Lol.
You don’t know him personally (if you do know us personally please stop reading this post now, lol) but he is a truly romantic, lovely, dynamic and deeply intelligent man. His lack of romanticism during our exchange hinted to the fact that he was feeling vulnerable and fearful of my rejection. We continued talking, healing, crying, and laughing. On Feb 13th, we drove to Tucson and randomly stumbled upon an Ani DiFranco concert! If you’re not familiar, she’s one of our fav singers who also happens to be a strong LGBTQ ally. During her concert I may or may not have also made out with a beautiful lesbian woman (I def did!).
Mountain and I had a total blast! We ended up at the Tucson Gem show on Valentine’s Day. This is significant because it’s something we’ve wanted to do for well over a decade. We made sweet love for days and then Mountain decided to drive me back home to our children. He’d been living 2000 miles away and hadn’t gotten to see our kids as much as he’d wanted to over the past 2+ years since our separation. We had our first family dinner with all of our kids together. It was pure magic.
We then went back to my company house on Point Roberts, which is just a ferry ride away from our young adult kids. It was the first time my lover (from the original threesome) and Mountain had seen each other since… I won’t dive into all the nitty gritty here, let’s just say that we all experienced some profound sexual healing. Together.
I had already scheduled a huge birthday party at a gorgeous ocean front air bnb for 3 of our kids who were all born in March. There were DJS, a hot tub, and a total of 9 bedrooms for the kids friends to stay over. We had to decide how to handle the event. We were all invited, but we thought it might be too much for everyone to accept that the three of us were “together” again. We managed to play it cool and have a beautiful celebration with the kids and I got to watch our son’s band perform!
In case you’re sitting there shaking your head wanting to tell me that “these things never work out, Joy”. No worries. I have no illusions.
I am here to experience this thing we call life, to give and receive unconditional love, unadulterated bliss, and profound pleasure. At this time in my life, when my kids are mostly raised, I am no longer in servitude to others. I served my siblings as a pre-teen and a teenager and for the past 25 years, I’ve served my family.
This is my time.
I choose to live for this day with the awareness that tomorrow may never come. I choose pleasure. If pain follows, so be it. But for now…I am…Bliss.
From my heart to yours,
PS: I realize this is a truly vulnerable and transparent post. Here I am before you. Bold. Brave. Vulnerable. Free. If you’re reading my words and absorbing seeing my vulnerability, I ask only that you respect me as a woman in your response. Peace.