Love, Loss, Reconnection and Pleasure

Hey beautiful people!

I hope you’re all doing well during these challenging times. In an attempt to stay connected, I’ve been doing my best to post daily on Twitter. I am blessed to be in an isolated area where I have direct access to a beach, tennis court, and a variety of deserted walking trails. Getting naked outside is definitely helping me keep my spirits up!

On a more personal note…

For those of you who read my blog Tantrachick, you’d be familiar with the father of my children, Mountain. He and I have four kids together plus three additional step kids. We were together for a couple decades give or take. Our connection was the type you read about in love stories. Then we had a spontaneous threesome with one of our longtime friends (please don’t try this at home:) Tensions ran high like they often do during this type of experimentation and Mountain and I endured a painful separation.

During that time, I stayed in a kind of “friends with benefits” relationship with the man we experimented with. My heart wasn’t ever open enough to fully dive in with him. Mountain went his own way. He even ended up (briefly) marrying another woman at one point. Then, during the first week of February 2020, before the world shifted, I went to Prescott AZ to visit one of our good friends. Mountain happened to already be in Prescott during the same timeframe. He was visiting his friend (the ex husband of the friend I was visiting).

Life isn’t always straight forward. It doesn’t come with an instruction guide, so sometimes, life well it gets f*cking messy. After some back and forth texting, Mountain ended up inviting me to coffee at a sweet little coffee shop. Sometimes I get the feeling y’all see me as this laid back hippie dippie naked chick. So you may not know this about me but I’m actually a pretty “spicy woman” as Mountain would say.

I managed to upset Mountain with my forward nature and my inability to filter. Basically, I thought we should have make up sex. He was still deeply wounded and had felt rejected by me, so my “crass” comments upset him. Mountain abruptly ended our coffee date. A couple days later, after he did some contemplating. he texted me to let me know that there was a good sushi place in town. I was like, “Are you inviting me to have sushi with you?” He responded, “It’s a free country.” Lol.

You don’t know him personally (if you do know us personally please stop reading this post now, lol) but he is a truly romantic, lovely, dynamic and deeply intelligent man. His lack of romanticism during our exchange hinted to the fact that he was feeling vulnerable and fearful of my rejection. We continued talking, healing, crying, and laughing. On Feb 13th, we drove to Tucson and randomly stumbled upon an Ani DiFranco concert! If you’re not familiar, she’s one of our fav singers who also happens to be a strong LGBTQ ally. During her concert I may or may not have also made out with a beautiful lesbian woman (I def did!).

Mountain and I had a total blast! We ended up at the Tucson Gem show on Valentine’s Day. This is significant because it’s something we’ve wanted to do for well over a decade. We made sweet love for days and then Mountain decided to drive me back home to our children. He’d been living 2000 miles away and hadn’t gotten to see our kids as much as he’d wanted to over the past 2+ years since our separation. We had our first family dinner with all of our kids together. It was pure magic.

We then went back to my company house on Point Roberts, which is just a ferry ride away from our young adult kids. It was the first time my lover (from the original threesome) and Mountain had seen each other since… I won’t dive into all the nitty gritty here, let’s just say that we all experienced some profound sexual healing. Together.

I had already scheduled a huge birthday party at a gorgeous ocean front air bnb for 3 of our kids who were all born in March. There were DJS, a hot tub, and a total of 9 bedrooms for the kids friends to stay over. We had to decide how to handle the event. We were all invited, but we thought it might be too much for everyone to accept that the three of us were “together” again. We managed to play it cool and have a beautiful celebration with the kids and I got to watch our son’s band perform!

In case you’re sitting there shaking your head wanting to tell me that “these things never work out, Joy”. No worries. I have no illusions.

I am here to experience this thing we call life, to give and receive unconditional love, unadulterated bliss, and profound pleasure. At this time in my life, when my kids are mostly raised, I am no longer in servitude to others. I served my siblings as a pre-teen and a teenager and for the past 25 years, I’ve served my family.

This is my time.

I choose to live for this day with the awareness that tomorrow may never come. I choose pleasure. If pain follows, so be it. But for now…I am…Bliss.

From my heart to yours,


PS: I realize this is a truly vulnerable and transparent post. Here I am before you. Bold. Brave. Vulnerable. Free. If you’re reading my words and absorbing seeing my vulnerability, I ask only that you respect me as a woman in your response. Peace.

16 Comments Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    Joy, Your openness and honesty is a blessing as at some point or two in my life this scenario played out in one form or another. Wishing you Peace, Love, Sensuality. Sexuality, Openmindedness and The Nude and natural lifestyle in abundant quantities!
    Love you girl!

    1. Thank you Wesley! Hope you’re well!!

  2. Jae says:

    I was impressed on the all of words about your life, philosophy. It is deserved for me to learn them, apply them to my life.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I was so impressed on all of your words about your life, philosophy. It is deserve to learn them, apple it to my life.

  4. Nudealexis says:

    You are an incredibly beautiful and Brave woman, and you should not let the opinions of
    others dictate what you post. This is your place on the internet to be vulnerable and bold in everything you write. Your writings are inspirational and very personable. Keep up the great work!!

    1. Awe thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate you!

  5. Scott Hanzelka says:

    Life can be a long,winding and sometimes surprising path.A lot of healing,accepting and love happened in a short time.The important thing is you’re in a happier place.Hopefully,this trend will continue and help you and yours deal with this challenging time right now.

    1. Thanks for your words of wisdom and support Scott! ❣️

  6. Anonymous says:

    Wow!!! Joy you amazing ♥️

  7. Thel says:

    That was a beautiful post – never once did I feel like it was a mistake. So happy that you had this Union and reunion! I trust you even when truth may very well be stranger than fiction. All my best to you, Mountain and your big family! Thel/Brian

    1. Thanks for your continued support my darling friend!

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