Seek and Conquer Barriers to Love

‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’ – Rumi

2020 has been uncharacteristically challenging, yet equally rewarding for me. As this year comes to an end and I prepare myself for the year(s) to come, I have been taking stock of my life. If we look at the standard “wheel of life”, there are 8 areas of focus:

Health, Wealth, Family, Finances, Romance, Spirituality, Community, and Personal Growth.

However, in my opinion, at the core of our human existence and therefore the center of the wheel of life, the focus is our sexuality. To be 100% honest, my sexuality has taken a back burner over the past few years but that is about to change. There is something stirring within my soul…as I walk alone on the beach, when I sit in silence and sip my tea, as I soak in a hot bath, when I hush my mind and listen with my heart, I feel desire growing from within. It begins with the pulse of my heart, beating like a drum in the distance. It’s a beautiful melody though it has no words. It’s calling out to me, imploring me to…DIVE IN…and explore. Encouraging me to explore the profound art of pleasure.

I am reminding myself of what I’ve been telling others for years; pleasure is MY birth right! I am worthy of experiencing profound states of bliss and ecstasy. I have decided to write a series of short posts related to love, intimacy, sexuality, and pleasure. In each of my posts I will ask you a question. My preference is that you answer my question (or express whatever you are inspired to share) in the form of a comment on the related post. If for some reason you’re not comfortable sharing here, you can email me directly:

My question for you:
Are you aware of any barriers that are currently preventing you from experiencing love or pleasure?

Please feel free to answer with a simple yes, a straight forward no, or dig deeper and share more of yourself. There are no wrong answers. Just your truth.

From my heart to yours,

27 Comments Add yours

  1. wjbade says:

    My barrier to pleasure is a total lack of libido. I am 78 years old and lost my libido entirely several years ago, even while I was taking Androgel and Cialis. I had a normal sex life and I am married, but I do miss the desire to enjoy sexual activity. I have no ability to get an erection, so masturbation is out of the question even if I had the desire. Getting old sucks!

    1. I am the author of the Guy’s Guide to Multiple Orgasms which I wrote to share my expansive knowledge on the topic of male erections and Orgasms. Unless you have a diagnosed physical issue preventing an erection, I believe you could reconnect your desire to create a reaction in your lingam. I’ve worked with hundreds of not thousands of men to reconnect…

  2. Ken Benoit says:

    Yes there are barriers. My spouse and I have very different desires and attitudes towards sex. Sometimes I feel unsatisfied but she is trying very hard to give me what I want. I enjoy going down on here but she does not let me for more the 2 or 3 minutes, that is not enough for me, I could lick and eat her pussy for an hour. I would never cheat and we are working on it.

    1. So positive that you are able to be open and continue to break through barriers together!

  3. rhpayne says:

    I have barriers everywhere I look. 99% are within

  4. Bare Beach Bum says:

    Yes there are a few barriers. I’ve removed many of the obstacles in my personal life around fully embracing my sexuality but one still exists that currently takes priority. The priority can be managed going forward, but now it is time to remove the societal/governmental barriers. We are being oppressed and controlled using the threat of a virus no worse than the flu. It has stopped many of our societal interactions including that of social nudity and sexual expression.

    Social nudity is a physical and emotional therapeutic for many of us that embrace it. For me it improved my physical health as well as helped to ground me during a very stressful time. I’ve accepted that it is a vital part of my life although society has many misconceptions about it. I’m so passionate about it that I’m very public about being a nudist.

    Expressing my sexuality is another release that I’ve come to understand is a vital part of my personality and social interaction. Again society shames and suppresses healthy expression of sexuality. For me it has been a large part of my social interactions because I’ve built a group of like-minded friends. With clubs closed and people terrified of COVID, those interactions have all be ceased in my area. We are a social people and removing those interactions has greatly suppressed my ability to express myself and release energy. I have so much pent up energy that needs an outlet.

    Openly discussing it in a forum like what Joy has provided helps but does not satisfy the itch. Humans were not meant to be solitary creatures. This is the barrier we need to overcome!

    1. I’ve been doing my best to accept isolation and use this time to not only contemplate my wants, needs and desires, but to actively explore them within myself and with myself. I also hear your need for touch and physical intimacy beyond yourself… sending love from my heart to yours…

  5. Russ LaSot says:

    yes but they are known and when and if the time comes they can be addressed.

    1. Knowing yourself is such an important part of personal transformation!

  6. rglongpre says:

    Joy. there are barriers, both psychological and physical. I am married and I want to stay that way. As a result, I have to navigate not only my issues, but those of my partner as well. When one encounters one’s unconsciously buried complexes, or triggers the complexes of a partner, stuff happens that isn’t always conducive to reaching the desired state of bliss.

    1. It is definitely more of a challenge to overcome one’s own barriers and access bliss when also facing or even potentially triggering your partner’s barriers. I trust you to be patient with yourself and continue to explore your inner sexual being.

  7. Anonymous says:


  8. Anonymous says:

    No barriers

    1. Beautiful

  9. RAY says:


    1. Finding your own path to love and pleasure is a profound endeavor

    2. It’s a lifelong process! There’s no time to rush:)

  10. That’s potentially a very deep and complicated question. I think most people will answer yes and no, but some will say that it’s extremely difficult to truly know yourself so it’s almost impossible to answer. I don’t know how to answer this question so I can’t answer. But it’s a great question.

    1. Truth.

    2. It is a deep and complex topic for sure! Glad it sparked some deeper contemplation for you!

  11. obriend1936 says:

    Joy, So good to hear from you. I thought that I had lost you.

    I am still love starved and lonely, even though I am with my bride of 63 years. Mary has retired from partner sex (she stll masturbates) and I have ED, but I would still enjoy eating her out and rimming her ass (Mary has always orgasmed when I do that). However, she now wears protective panties and feels do dirty to let me go down on her..

    That’s my story.
    Love ❤️ you,

    1. I’m still here glad to know you are too

    2. I have always appreciated your optimistic outlook! Hope you’re finding ways to release your sexual energy… it can be channeled into creative endeavors.

  12. bfdkan says:

    Yes and no?! Yes because Altho married I’m alone in seeking this form of pleasure. I do not cheat with another, would never do that but I must release these inner desires. No because I’ve overcome (mostly) society’s taboos

    1. I think many people have managed to overcome some barriers to love and pleasure yet find it difficult to break through ALL barriers. Im currently facing this myself in fact. For years I focused on my love life, connection through intimacy etc. Then I stopped after my divorce even though I’m in a beautiful partnership…So I am now applying everything I’ve been teaching others for years…to my own love life. The ripple effect of even just making the choice to break down barriers is profound! I hope you find a path to over coming any remaining barriers within. Thank you for sharing! From my heart to yours, Joy

    2. Overcoming society’s taboos is a huge accomplishment! Bravo!

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