Be The Change You Wish To See

Today I want to share a quote that resonates with my soul:

I am not suited to polite society 

To social striving, upward mobility, and making good impressions 

I am radically honest, sensitive, brilliant, and blunt 

I hold up a mirror to the best and worst facets of human life.


My lover’s mother does NOT understand me which causes her to question my integrity as a woman. Beyond the fact that my main residence is a tiny glass and timber home on a secluded island, the pin up girl tattoo on my right leg boggles her mind. She cannot understand why an upstanding woman would adorn her body with “smut”. She also judges the fact that I don’t wear a bra. From her perspective, a woman who has self respect wears a bra. Imagine if she was ever unfortunate enough to stumble upon my blog and online influencer accounts!

Although the inspiration behind my tattoo may not make sense to her, it is meaningful to me. When my daughter had her tattoo shop, one of her artists was drawing a Sailor Jerry showgirl tattoo and I fell in love with her. I was a feature show girl in the late 90’s. I traveled from Florida to Washington dancing in most major cities along the way. The pin up girl on my leg reminds me to be true to who I am, despite the fact that I live in a world that may never “get me”.

Experiencing the harmful effects of these judgments has caused me to contemplate the on going conversation amongst nudist, naturist, textile, body positive, gender equality, sex positive and exhibitionist focused accounts on social media. One thing stood out to me; it takes a lot of courage to stand up for our beliefs and even more so to publicly express our opinions online.

The current state of the world has unfortunately resulted in a lot of divide, not only within our global communities, but also within our local communities. Hector Martinez whom I have connected with on Twitter is a shining example of a humxn who stands by his beliefs. Hector recently created a very well expressed post about naturism, nudism, sexuality, following various accounts, etc. I personally thought his post was well written and to me, his message was clear. I found it sad to read some of the comments not only on his most recent post, but on many of his previous posts.

When we as conscientious members of a shared society disagree or don’t fully see eye to eye, why do some of us share our response in an aggressive and unsupportive manner? I am curious to see if the individuals who shame, belittle, or degrade others online would express their opinions and opposition in the same manner during an in person exchange. Unfortunately, in many situations, like the one I’ve personally experienced with my parnter’s mother, I daresay the answer is yes.

So how do those of us who choose to respect the opinions of others, not only when we agree but more importantly, when we disagree, help create a more cohesive experience in online communities? My two cents? In the words of

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”

Gandhi (the origin of this quote is also an on going debate…;)

I would love to hear your thoughts…

In community,


10 Comments Add yours

  1. LULU says:

    You should do as you please…. If people go against you it’s their own problem not yours to deal with… I think it boils down to as who loves us in doing what we do best…. If not wearing a bra causes issues then the world should see what we see.. I haven’t done what you doing… It’s courage to do what you do 💗 I don’t wear bra either… Society just doesn’t understand what we women go through… Love the tattoo… Suits you 👌

  2. Caged Lion says:

    I never considered being naked (my normal state) or our power exchange as a political statement.I think that to do so changes us from being naturally the way we are to becoming a kind of rebellion. I seek out people who are like me. Our blog and Twitter accounts allow others to share our experiences. Like you, I wish for a world where we cherish differences. I believe that when people like us share our lives here, we are helping others understand and choose a similar lifestyle.

    My blog used to draw insulting comments. That stopped about five years ago. I think that people who condemn our point of view got tired of reading about how much fun we have. I like your blog. It’s fun to read. I link to you on mine. Keep it up. The tattoo looks cool!

  3. Love everything about this. Love Love Love

  4. Ronald van Koutrik says:

    Dear Joy,

    Thank you for your post.

    The challenge with the change you want to see is multifold. Open-ness, honousty, respect and wisdom only fit between people, specifically between us if i allow you to be the person you are, not trying to change you to fit into the mold of my social construct, but also be independant of your acceptance. The moment I expect you to fit into a mold, your behavour must adapt itself to that mold. The more restrictive and estranged the mold, the further your expected and enforced behaviour will deviate from your own behavioural pattern and the stronger the wall between whats real and what is expected.

    The love and acceptance that I feel for myself is directly related to the distance between my behavioural pattern and restrictiveness of the mold. The more I have to will myself to fit the less I will except a deviation from myself or others the more my love for myself/others is conditional. This will also limit my curiosity into people that have different ideas, look different or behave different.

    Taking responsibility for one’s actions also means allowing yourself to make mistakes and acknowledging that you learn by making those same mistakes (something still diificult for me). Also knowing that I can learn from other people even if they do not fit in the same mold can only be done by having respect for other behavioural patterns/ideas. Being curious is very important for openness. Trying to learn instead of rejecting,… acceptancing that you do not have to fit in another’s social mold makes it a lot easier…

    The opposite of acceptance by others as you describe in your blog either by you not wearing a brah, or having a tattoo says a lot about the acceptance level of the other person and the conditionality of their love they project. Such a pity as it limits their personal growth. It would be so different if they only would ask “Why….”.

    Wish you a lot of enjoyable moments and insight into the question you posted.

    Hoping (without expecting) to continue this conversation with you.

    With kind regards,
    Ronald van Koutrik


  5. gcnat1200020 says:

    Love the blog, Joy. First time we saw it.
    Jan&Gary xo

  6. Robert Payne says:

    We all walk our individual paths. Some are so heavily trenched in their beliefs promoted by family, friends, religious, culture and society dogmas that their path are deeply rutted, not allowing them the opportunity to move outside their path to experience others. The sad thing is that most who I have encountered that are like this have no honest original thought of their own. They are comfortable in being told how to be and in finding fault in other people who don’t subscribe to their promoters’ idea of right.

    All we can do is be the best of who we are and show the distractors that we are not an enemy.

  7. Andrew Cook says:

    WJBADE, that’s a most utopian vision you have. It would be great if it were possible!

    I think the more feasible and reachable goal would be to aim for a world (or community, at least) where “textile-free” is accepted as just another accepted and respectable dress code. Best not to push strictly for “no optional dress”.. Even the most ardent naturists need protection from the elements at times, or to wear safety clothing for certain tasks, or for formal identification such as a police officer. It simply would not be practical to ban textile use altogether.

    To me, it comes down to choice. People should have equal rights when it comes to choosing what to wear, or what not to wear.

    1. “To me, it comes down to choice. People should have equal rights when it comes to choosing what to wear, or what not to wear.”

      Yes! Well spoken Andrew!

  8. wjbade says:

    Joy, you are a wonderful woman. I have followed your blog for sometime now, The problem is that I am a coward when it comes to being my textile free self in a textile world. I would love to have a textile free community be developed from a joining of all of the textile free people in the US, but I don’t see that occurring very soon. I think that if one of these communities were created, others would follow. Such a community would consist of homes, condos, rental properties, businesses, entertainment venues, movies, etc. It would consists of only textile free people. No optional dress. Of course, entrance would have to be tightly controlled,
    Keep up the good work and have a great day.

    1. Thank you for your kind and supportive comments. That’s the challenge for me. I don’t appreciate rules and I deeply cherish my autonomy so I’ll only participate in clothing optional settings… that’s one of the reasons I haven’t gone to a nudist resort as an adult…

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