The Path to Self Love

I used to write about my internal process. The real me. The woman within. Not who you see when I walk down the street. Not who you see when I stand before you, naked as Joy. I used to write about the me who felt loved. Cherished. I used to write about the me who felt respected. Like a queen.

I used to write about the me who felt safe. Like a baby sleeping peacefully in her mother’s arms. I used to write about the me who knew and felt pleasure. Like a whip of wind rippling across the water. Like a volcano exploding with heat. I used to write when I was whole.

But was I truly? Was I truly whole? Or did my self esteem require the love of my lover. My best friend. My mother, father((s)), sisters, brothers. My children. As I drove down some lonely highway somewhere in New Mexico, I saw my reflection in the rear view mirror. I did not recognize the woman who stared back at me. I did not see me. I saw someone shattered. I politely asked Siri to play Glen Hansard on Spotify. She accommodated my request. Glen guided my journey and evolved into a series of songs that moved me to tears.

I sat on the side of the road crying. Not necessarily tears of sadness. Not necessarily tears of Joy. Just tears. Streaming as if a spring had cracked open. A never-ending spring of tears…and so it began. The real journey I am on. The journey of being Joy. Not the Joy you know. Not the Joy my friends, family and lovers know. Not the Joy even I know. I’ve never met this version of me yet. I have been on the road for 4 weeks and counting. Just me and Mimsi. I am excited to see what’s next. I wake each morning and choose where to go next. Sometimes I pull over at a rest area, thinking I know where I’m going. When I wake, I choose a different destination. The destination is me.

I don’t fully understand the journey of Joy, but there’s one thing I know for sure; it is the path to self love. From my heart to yours, raw, open and honest. -Joy

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Robert Payne says:

    Joy, keep looking in the mirror, it will help keep you grounded.

  2. tekteach1 says:

    Joy, I always love your posts! Thank you for sharing your inner self as well as your outer beauty with us. Your explanation of your trip and self exploration are certainly to be commended! You are a true gem both inside and out! Be safe. Love to you

  3. george says:

    I always LOVE reading your messages. They have such powerful meanings.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Lovely read joy 🌹🌹

  5. Colin L Sanders says:

    Hi Joy. It has been over two years since I met you. I was selling electronic foot massagers in a Costco store. You wanted me to photograph you with your feet in the machines. I am happy that you are on a road trip. Nothing better for rejuvenating the soul than to wake each morning not knowing where you are. Well, maybe with the exception of witnessing the wild power of the Pacific Ocean smashing against the shore. I mean the western shore, not the protected inland waterways. You struck me as an illuminated soul, but a seeker you will always be. And that is a good thing…

    1. Hi Colin, funny, I remember that day, I was waiting on my sister while she shopped when of my followers tweeted that they saw me in Costco, lol. Thank you for being a kind soul. The world needs more kindness…

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